A Silent Prayer
by requiescat in pace
Summary: Free verse poem about Dean's take on his life from a simple childhood to a complicated adult life of a hunter. Just a simple little something I whipped up the other day.


This is based off a poem I had to do in my AP Language and Composition class my junior year of high school. We had to write about our reflections on our lives. I titled mine Realizations of a Lost Soul. It was about 15 pages long, typed 45 minutes before I had to read it out loud an turn it in and was about my life as a child to that point. The thing I kept repeating was "come and go" because I truly believe that's how life works. Things come and go. When going through my old school assignments the other day, I came across the poem, momentarily thinking of Dean. It hit me that if anyone ever had things come and go, it was the Winchester boys. However, I thought of Dean first. I believe that's because I feel an emotional connection to him on some level. Anyway, I rewrote the poem (which is a lot shorter this time around) to work around the concept of Dean's life as he might see it from when he was a happy, carefree child to the closed off, hurting person he is now. I hope ya'll like it.

* * *

Curled up, stretched out and tucked in

On the worn motel mattress

Grateful for one less night

Where strained and sore muscles

Are forced to get comfortable

Due to a night's sleep in the Impala

These are not the simple times

Of easy hunts and salt n' burns

Nor the more complicated epoch

Of apocalyptic wars

He sighs heavily, unsure of when

His younger brother shall return

To pretend to sleep to appease him

To plead that there's some normal

Still there in his soulless vessel

He whispers a silent prayer

Knowing Cas wouldn't hear him

For if he did

It would be their little secret

Tears threatened to prick the corners

Of his bloodshot eyes

As his thoughts drifted to his mother

And all the nights

She prayed with him

And he remembers…

He remembers the days when Mom was still around

The times of simple prayers and bed time stories

When lunch was served without crusts and with a smile

When angels were real yet kind and soothing

When love was everlasting

When Dad was a superhero and Mom was an angel

In their own rights to Dean

When he was a new big brother to baby Sammy

When fun and happiness was everywhere

Thanks to his imagination and innocence

When Lawrence was their one and only home

In those days Dad was happy

Everyone smiled

Dad would play catch

Mom's melodious laugh would fill the air

They were a family

There was love

But things come and go

Mom did…

After mom died, they were all broken

Moving from place to place

With what seemed like no rhyme or reason

The times when Dad was less like Dad

He vaguely recalls the scarce times

When they stopped by to see Miss. Missouri

Sitting in a waiting room while Dad spoke to her

When Dad would leave them here or there

With Pastor Jim who helped Dean stay faithful

Even if it was only for a little bit

Or Robert Singer who was just Uncle Bobby

When most of his house was off limits

And they weren't yet called idjits

The best part of these times

Were when Dean got to be a big brother

When Sammy was his responsibility

When Dean was his guardian angel of sorts

Sam would cry, but Dean was there

He'd always be there

Things come and go though

Childhood seemed like one of those things

But he wouldn't let it

Pass Sammy by

He recalls the times when all Sammy would do

Was ask questions

About everything and anything

And when Sammy still believed in Dad

They both did

With blind faith

Brotherly bonds were everything in those years

To both boys

Especially now that Dad

Let Dean watch Sammy by himself in their motel rooms

Soon the discovery of Dad's journal

Had Dean growing up faster

He pledged to protect Sammy

From the darkness of the world

That day

He wouldn't tell his younger brother

For he didn't need to lose his innocence of the world

So quick, so soon

Besides, Dad made him promise not to

It was then that

When what Dean learned outside of school was more important

And when hunting changed meaning in his vernacular

When shape shifters and ghosts and demons were new

When guns actually had names

And when all he was allowed to shoot

Were soda pop cans lined up on top fence

But soon Dean got older

As did Sam

For Sam was no longer Sammy

At least most of the time

Their lives were different from almost everyone they knew

As Latin could be considered their second language

And lying their second nature

When they would melt down sliver to make bullets

For those rare werewolf hunts

When the things they bought in bulk at the grocery store

Were usually salt, lighter fluid and booze for dad

Or when Dean got his first gun

That he could claim his very own

A new Smith & Wesson with a stainless-steal finish

That Uncle Bobby gave him one year

After hunting a black dog and an angont

On his birthday

Every conversation betwixt their small family unit

Usually became an argument

Laced with bitterness

Sam discovered rebellion

And seemed to acquire a taste

For the freedom he felt it gave him

And dad's favorite vice

Became a constant

In those days

When Dean found himself a moment of solace

He'd think about Mom

As he'd hum an old Metallica song

Sending her a silent prayer

As he worked in the Impala

Or tried to focus on studying

For their latest hunt at the public library

At those times

He'd think how much everything has changed

He did that now

As he turned in the bed

Sleep so far away from his grasp

And he knows…

He knows that Mom is just a memory

And that these are the times of profanity and folklore

When lunch is smothered in grease and served at a cheap diner

When angels are warriors of God but still complete dicks

When love is a foreign concept

When Dad is dead just like Mom

Thanks to the supernatural

Dean is a hunting companion rather than a big brother

Where pain and suffering are everywhere

Thanks to apocalyptic war and his personal choices

When home is wherever they shack up for the night

In these days Sam is emotionless

Everyone's smile is fake

Crowley plays boss with sickening pleasure

Lisa's melodious laugh seemed like a faint memory

Like his mother

They were family

This much was true

They were brothers

They always would be

There is love

It's just hard to find

And at the moment

Hard for Sam to conceive

But he remembers

The sole promise he made to Sammy every night

When he fell asleep

And Dean would kiss his forehead good night

After a silent prayer

Just like Mom used to do

Dean would promise his little brother

No matter how much I get angry with you

Or act like I'm better

I promise I'll always do it

Just to protect you

No matter how many times we

Get lost or go down separate paths

I promise we'll always reunite

Because were Winchesters

And nothing is more important

To a Winchester than family

We'll always be heroes and save the world

I'll never judge you

And even when I do

I promise it's just because I'm scared of losing you

We'll always have each other

We'll always be brothers

I'll always love you

I'll always be there

He said that as if he were saying good night

To his little brother once more

In those simpler times

Of army men and star gazing

Before he closed his eyes

Hoping to get enough sleep

Before they had to hunt

The monsters and things that go bump in the night

In the early morning light


End file.
